‘One good thing about having a boyfriend is you get the seed for free’ For reference, see, https://www.facebook.com/kewgardens/app_129178503903679
woluf: It’s a bit of a problem when you reallyreally want to make out with someone but you’re a bit of a recluse and have the self confidence of a satsuma among a bowl of oranges.
You’ve not ruined anyone’s housewarming if it’s not your marital home and never will be.
Being able to be shit at Gangnam Style without fear of judgement or retribution.
Being able to practice your Gangnam Style all day in your flat without fear of judgement or retribution.
We’ve all been stuck for things to say in the morning, but when the best you can do is “Your back smells nice” it’s probably best that your first conversation of the day is with the bus driver.
It’s often hard to tell if you’ve got the line right between actually romantic poetry and Coleridge.
Put it this way: you know you should stop when your only idea is to take them to Waterstones to look at pictures of stars.
“Dinner?” “Yeah I’ve got a packet of microwavable popcorn in the cupboard, give us a sec.”
Ghostsingles.com. Because let’s face it, you might not have been quick enough to come up with it but you can at least amuse yourself for hours on it without anyone getting worried about your internet history.
When you live with a former chorister, the sounds through the walls are bad enough without a significant other adding to the din.
i was selected as one of his quiver matches.
onlycallmemaybe: “I always wanted a threesum but havent found the right woman u a cutie” We think you should go for it!
woluf: You know your hair needs a wash when it’s trying to becoming a separate entity (even more so than it may already be, I mean).
Because spending an evening with 10CC, a cider, and a blog that will always care for you is so much better than writing stupid letters to Australians. At least with Men at Work on the playlist there’s no doubt about coming from a Land Down Under.
When the only reason you can think of to be in a relationship is the extra body warmth in your bed, you know it’s probably time to call it quits.
Darwin was an optimist.
Because when you burp so loudly you can taste the cod liver oil from your multivitamin the only thing you’ll get from your flatmate is congratulations.
Because when they whine about their evil partners and their boring lives, you know that the only wine you have to worry about is the bottle of Merlot you need to pick up on Friday for you and your flatmate.
‘…we die together from loving each other.’ - Roland Barthes
Because even trips to the 99p shop can transform into opportunities for romance.
When you find yourself taking notes from a Radio 4 programme at 8:30am at least you don’t have to keep looking over your shoulder to check they haven’t woken up yet.
You’re a grown up with a degree and career goals for chrissake, ‘Oh man I really want to kiss them again right now’ is not a valid thought pattern.
Seminar on mortgages or an actual mortgage? We’ll spend that money on gin and flapjacks if it’s all the same to you.
At least when the only men in your life are under 16 and come in groups of 30 there’s no societal judgement about you going home to an empty house and opening a bottle of wine.
When your best friend thinks a first kiss at a bus stop is ‘very you’, it’s probably best to admit defeat.
At least when it’s your career keeping you up until four in the morning there’s no shame in explaining your exhaustion to your mum.
‘Take the case of a man in love who is caught acting disgracefully…I think it would cause him more pain to be seen in this situation by his boyfriend than by his father, his friends, or anyone else.’ - Plato, The Symposium. Because when you act disgracefully as often as we do, you’ve got to cut your losses somewhere.
Pulling sales reps is all well and good until you realise they only want you for your money.
Rather than romantic breaks, you can have educational holidays - learning, for example, whether or not it’s true what they say about African men.
It is a universal law that the day you decide to tell someone you’re into them will be the day you find out they like someone else. Via their tumblr.
It’s claustrophobic enough on the tube as it is, without being cornered by an affection addicted other-half.
Trust me, when looking back over those old photos of you and your latest obsession you’ll be glad you didn’t get into anything with them.
Because sometimes all that’s out there is the cast-off of the one you’d rather be with.
Never underestimate the opportunity to have a thing for an entire house all at once…it sure makes you a better person than having a thing with the whole lot of them.
If you’d been single you probably would’ve had time to see some of the stuff mentioned on the Visit Scotland advert.
Emotional scars can’t be fixed by elastoplast.
It’s hot enough during rush hour as it is without not being able to move for the life partner attached to your waist.
Because no one deserves to be dumped at ten to nine in Starbucks while commuters grab their morning caffeine fix.
A romantic lie in is one thing - waking up shoved against the wall for the fourth morning in a row is another.
As with swingers, so with politicians: sometimes you just don’t swing their way.
Sometimes, a pro-active approach to dating will simply result in you being rejected twice in a row - by two people who’s rather be with each other.
You suddenly get to go on long ’contemplative’ walks in the middle of the night or instead you get to drink a lot of shots.
Once upon a time people thought it was a good idea to declare their love on sticks… mun:þumik:man:(ek)þik:un:þu:mer:an:ekþ(er) Mun þú mik, man ek þik. Unn þú mér, ann ek þér. ‘Remember me, I remember you. Love me, I love you’.